GINETTE - If Mormon's are supposed to save themselves for marriage and soley for their husband or their wife then why are they allowed to kiss before marriage? Wouldn't that be a form of affection that should also be saved for the spouse? why shouldn't every form of affection be saved for the future spouse instead of a line being drawn at kissing. Kissing is a temptation too and if Mormons are supposed to stay out of temptation then why isn't kissing included there too?

JOEL - Perhaps it should be included. As far as I am concerned I will never "allow" my daughter to kiss any guy before she's married. But realistically speaking I know such a restriction will probably never hold. According to God, we are not allowed to commit sins such as fornication or adultry. But kissing is only a sin if the reasons for it are lustfull. If it is a sincere expression of love, respect, and affection, then perhaps it is not a sin. Many people, however, do have a hard time knowing the difference.
To set things straight about what the LDS Church Leaders think about it, here is a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball:

“Kissing has been prostituted and has been degenerated to develop lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble.
What is miscalled the soul kiss is an abomination and stirs passion that results in the eventual loss of virtue. Even if timely courtship justifies a kiss, it should be a clean, decent, sexless one. … If the soul kiss with its passion were eliminated from dating, there would be an immediate upswing in chastity and honor, with fewer illegitimate babies, fewer unwed mothers, fewer forced marriages, and fewer unhappy souls. With the absence of the soul kiss, necking would be greatly reduced. Its younger sister, petting, would be totally eliminated. Both are abominations of their own right and kind.
Unless forearmed, it is difficult for youth to distinguish where indiscretions will lead. The first “movie” kiss becomes “making out,” and the “making out” becomes fornication before they fully realize the power of sexual feelings. These forces are powerful; they were meant to be. But they were meant for mature couples in the sanctity of marriage.
We must clearly explain to our children that passionate kissing and “making out” should be left until after marriage."
(In Conference Report, Sydney Australia Area Conference, 29 Feb. 1976, p. 55.)

Clearly our leaders warn us about the dangers of intimate forms of expression such as kissing, and all of us, especially young immature teenagers should heed their council. However, God has told us in the following scripture:

"For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward." (D&C 58:26)

God is not going to have His prophets describe every little thing we should or should not do. He wants us to use our own free will of choice to decide for ourselves what is right or wrong for many things. He wants us to rely on the influence of the Holy Spirit and our own integrity and faith to know and do what is right. Part of the reason why we are here is to prove to God that we are willing and able to make correct choices and control our passions, without having someone compel us to do so every step of the way.
Our Church leaders do not "allow" nor forbid any member to do anything. All they can do is tell us what they have been told by God what is right and wrong for many things. It is up to us to listen to their council, pray for understanding and rely on the Holy Ghost to help us make correct choices about other things that have not been spelled out for us.

Return to top

Return to Questions

HOME